I’ve always thought I’d had things going on in my head, I just was good as suppressing them. I’d have down days, feel depressed, not want to leave the house or do anything days.
I think it has started to come to ahead this year. During my first placement in ED in March/April I was doing only the things I HAD to do. I was cancelling bank shifts left right & centre. The bank team at the hospital didn’t like this so I was let go, thankfully I have other employment but that isn’t any better.
In June I stopped going to uni, I just wanted to be in my ‘happy place’ the gym. I would, however, carry on with my assignments and eventually start my second placement but did little else. The placement went well and I was waiting to start my HCA bank job at the new trust.
Placement ended on the 26th July and I eventually got onto the bank the following week. As I did an induction in June my official start date is June. Since finishing my second placement I have only worked two shifts despite having been booked on my many more. I’d leave the house in the morning, get almost there, then cancel the shifts. I was just going round in circles.
The thing is I can’t afford NOT to be working.
I had a great opportunity to work loads throughout August but worked three shifts in total!
Things really came to a head about a week ago, I didn’t know what I wanted to do or if I wanted to keep going, this is still being sorted out and the person involved is really a nasty person.
Thankfully I have a lovely support network at home, and I will get through this. I have pushed everything away for so long I can continue to do so for the foreseeable future.