My anxiety has been a cloud all around me these past few weeks. I’m able to get out of the house but if it’s something I don’t want to do, like going to work, I want to hide from the world.
I need to know exactly what is going on & what is going to happen. If it’s something new to me, I want to freak out and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve cancelled a ‘few’ shifts with one job this year and now I’m only able to book 24hrs ahead. I went into Brighton last Saturday ready to throw myself into a shift on a ward I’d never worked at before but before I’d even gotten off the bus I had decided not to go. Strangely I wasn’t freaking out about doing the shift or the fact that I had just blown it off. I decided to cancel my next 2 shifts due to a cold/flu basically spending all my time in bed over the weekend.
It was on Monday when I was enquiring about shifts for this Friday that I got an email with an attached letter, dated 6th January, stating that I had had all my shifts cancelled and I was only to book 24hrs before! If I had actually gone in for that Saturday shift I would have been turned away anyway.

Since then I have booked a shift for tonight and waiting on confirmation of a shift for tomorrow night. I have also been approved and started at the agency I recently joined. I have a shift Saturday night and then earlies all next week. The pay isn’t as good as the hospital for nights & weekends but it is for days and it’s more local. I am going to give this a try if I don’t like the care home I just won’t go back.

I am still waiting on a date to go for my induction at the private hospital. They asked for my availability in Feb, so I gave them that and also said I’m free the rest of January. Haven’t heard back just yet.

To top things off, I have gone into my OD which I can’t afford to get out of. My food order was meant to be paid on PayPal credit (yes I know bad me) but in fact, it came out of my bank account and I have no money other than like £12 cash for the rest of the month. Thankfully My jobs are weekly paid so I’ll have money next Friday & I get my student loan start of Feb.