life

Life at 40

So I turned 40 last Sunday, this past year has been bluh and I am determined to make changes going forward.

My life consists of working the night shift, being in a pub, or sitting on my bed watching youtube working on 1 of my 2 degrees. Yep I have that exciting of a life. That is literally what I do week in week out. By 40 you’d think I’d have more but I don’t.

No IRL friends to go get coffee with, no one to text ‘how are you’. It is so hard to make friends as an adult and for someone with social anxiety, it is even harder. I used to do loads of things by myself but I can’t do that anymore. People who I thought were friends turned out to only want to ‘hang’ out with me if their other friends weren’t available etc.

I’ve had depression for most of 2021, I started going to the gym in April but I can’t even force myself to do that. I need to get myself out of this mindset.

Last week I rejoined the local CrossFit box. I still haven’t been to a class. My shifts at work for December suck, I’m working over Christmas AND New Year. The home manager doesn’t appear to care and has only said I need to swap with someone for the 31st. I have fixed shifts but they have gone out the window but not for anyone else.

Watch this space for 2022

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